We married in 1980, bought a house and started life. In 1981 I started a new job at the firm I now own. In 1982 we were pregnant with your brother, who was born on February 15, 1983 and died two days later on February 17, 1983.
Your maternal Grandfather, who your Mother did not speak with, died on September 24, 1983. I answered the middle of the night call from your Uncle, was told the news and passed it along to your Mother. She exclaimed “I haven’t talked with my Dad!”
Kathryn was born on August 21, 1984. Jeanne was born on February 21, 1989.
Jeanne had successful heart surgery in October 1991, actually during the week of the Clarence Thomas hearings.
Life settled down to normal and the family roar of little girls having fun being little girls. I love my daughters!!!
As the years moved along, the first few clues appeared.
First, which I’ll address in a later post, Mom no longer would take Kathryn (around 6 years old at the time) shopping for clothes. Therefore, Kathryn, Jeanne and I would head to Nordstrom
Second, FS developed interesting ailments and issues. Concern about bed lice caused us to drive to San Diego to see a special doctor. Anxiety appeared.
Finally, We started attending Family Camp and there I saw a major warning sign.
At Family Camp, we lived in close quarters and spent nearly 16 hours a day together with the other families. I had the opportunity to observe multiple happy couples and their children. Everyone shared the same faith. The couples or nearly all the couples would get together at night and chat about all kinds of interesting subjects. FS would never participate, never wanted to chat in group. We were not a normal couple. The first few Family Camp experiences highlighted my other various observations, our marriage was different and not well.
As you may remember, at Family Camp, Thursday night was Reconciliation Night. I like reconciliation and participated each year. The second year, probably 1993 or 1994, I let everyone go in front of me, so I could spend as much time with Father Jim as possible. I had the normal reconciliation chat with Father Jim and then I asked the key question that changed the direction of our marriage and all our lives. The question I asked nearly 17 years before our marital separation in 2011 was – What do I need to do to get my wife to love me?
I’ll say more in a future post.
Messages To My Daughters 